Don’t Pet Me!

Here’s your laugh for the day. About a year ago, I caught a really nasty cold. When I get sick, I tend to break ribs and collarbones from coughing hard or sneezing repeatedly. Right as I was getting sick, my friend and I went to a Florida Georgia Line concert here in New Orleans. Now, yes, maybe I shouldn’t have gone since I was already starting to not feel well, but if you’ve ever been to one of their shows, you understand why it was worth it! Florida Georgia Line, Thomas Rhett and Frankie Ballard put on one heck of a show!

Anyway, right in the middle of FGL’s set I coughed wrong and broke a rib. And it REALLY hurt. No tears, but my friend said I got pale all of a sudden and and I pretty much stopped moving. Took some Motrin and stuck out the rest of the concert, of course. I mean, priorities, right??!

However, there was a lady standing next to us (who was getting progressively more inebriated) that was overly concerned about my condition. Unfortunately my friend mentioned that I broke a rib, to which the lady replied that she was a nurse and could help. Here’s the thing: A) You’re drunk. Go away. B) Nothing they teach in nursing school is what I need when I break something. I need painkillers and heat (not ice), and to just sit there and figure out how bad it is. No doctors, no x-rays, no casts, no wraps. Just leave me alone and let me deal with myself.

But NOOOOOOOO… This lady had to ask over and over and over again what she could do. When we told her nothing for the fifteen-thousandth time, she proceeded to sit there and stroke my hand to tell me “oh, it’s all going to be okay honey.” Oh Em Gee!!! Yes, lady, it’s all going to be fine if you stop f’ing petting me! I’m not a freaking dog! At one point I had to flat out tell her to stop touching me, to which she turned to my friend and said, “She doesn’t like me! I just want her to like me!” My friend was like, “Just leave her alone and she’ll like you a lot better!”

I felt bad about hurting her feelings, but LORD. Sometimes people just can’t take a hint, and quite honestly, she probably didn’t remember much of the night the next morning.

Lesson of the blog: if you’re ever around me and I break something, don’t pet me!