Finding the Right Undies

Alright ladies, time for some real talk. Guys, we are about to delve into the twisty but necessary world of undergarments, so you may just want to stop reading now. You’ve been warned. 

As you may suspect, finding clothes that are age-appropriate can be quite a challenge for me. I prefer not to wear shirts with peace signs or jeans with ponies. I try to stay away from neon. Being 2’7″, it’s hard enough getting people to realize I’m twenty-nine, and I don’t need some big bedazzled butterfly shirt to make it more difficult. But while I have found solutions to most of my clothing issues (between Classy Little Fashions and having an aide that happens to be a master seamstress), underwear is a whole other beast in itself. 

Ladies, let me ask you, would you, as adults, like to have underwear with peace signs, butterflies, puppies, or the days of the week on them? Although there are a few of you who probably said yes (and I know who you are), I would guess that the majority of you would prefer something a little more adult. Perhaps modest, nude colors that won’t show through your white shorts, or a little bit of tasteful lace here and there to make you feel pretty (even though no one but you knows it’s there). Or maybe you like a crazy leopard print, representational of your inner wild child. Well, I’m here to tell you that your underwear fantasies will never be fulfilled in the kid’s section at Macy’s. 

My biggest problem is that my size is really somewhere between a child’s medium and an adult extra small. Again, as far as finding nice underwear in the kids’ section, you can pretty much forget it. Luckily though, I found out in the last year or two that a particular bikini style cut from Victoria Secret actually fits me pretty well. Of course they are ridiculously expensive, so every time I find them on sale, even if I don’t need them right then, I always buy them and hoard them for later. You can never have too many back-up panties. 

Guys, if you are still reading, I’m sorry to say this post isn’t over yet. It might be time to bail. Ladies, here we go. Let’s talk about that miserable world of bras. 

If you think finding underwear that fits is a challenge for me, let me tell you, it’s a piece of cake compared to finding a remotely comfortable bra. I mean, let’s be real for a second here. Is ANY bra REALLY comfortable? I didn’t think so. But “it hurts to be beautiful” as the saying goes, so here we are. 

To say my body isn’t normally shaped is the understatement of the century. Although it’s true that everyone has unequal sized breasts, mine take that to a whole new level…so there’s that. An underwire is completely out of the question because they tend to poke me hard and risk breaking my ribs. Bras with straps usually put too much pull on my shoulders, particularly my right one, and flare up my tendinitis after just a few hours. When I first started to have to wear a bra, it was pretty miserable. 

And then someone invented Bandeaus, the best thing in fashion since sliced bread (or the pinstripe). For those of you who don’t know, a Bandeau is basically a strapless bra, sometimes padded and sometimes not, lacey or smooth, that literally just goes around your middle to keep everything in place. They aren’t great for the Dolly Parton’s of the world, but for my situation, they work pretty darn well. You can usually find them in different colors and styles, and they are almost all I wear now. It’s still a problem for me to wear anything when I have certain broken ribs, but I have outfits that do not require bras for days like those. 

Guys, if you ignored my warnings and are still reading, I’m pleased to tell you that we’ve come to the end of the torture. Congratulations, you made it through some intense girl talk. Ladies, can you relate to this post? Do you, even with “normal” bodies, have some of the same issues? How do you solve them? Sound off below!