Live Your Life. Show Up.

April 4, 2019

One of the most common questions I get asked is “How do you manage to have such a positive attitude when your life is so hard and full of so much physical pain?”

Well, there’s a few reasons. The first is that I was raised not to feel sorry for myself. My mother in particular just wouldn’t allow it, which as a child was frustrating, but now I couldn’t be more thankful. She taught me that everyone has challenges and that this physical one was mine. I could either find a way to deal with it or my life would be pretty miserable. When you think about it like that, is there really a choice?

I, unlike so many, was raised to WANT to work. Both of my parents are/were business owners, and I grew up around two people with super strong work ethics. It’s just ingrained in my genes. Maybe that’s why I was such a good student, but I LIKE accomplishing tasks and getting rewarded for them (whether that be a good grade or being paid monetarily). Of course there are days where I CAN’T work due to broken bones, but I’ve never felt like I’m entitled to a day off because of my disability. Sometimes I have to take them, but I certainly don’t like to and try to make up for them wherever I can. As those of you that run businesses know, if you don’t show up and put in the effort, the business is bound to fail. And I think the same can be said for life in general – if you don’t show up and put forth an effort, your life is bound to fail.

Maybe this is why it bothers me so much when I see people shut down when something less than ideal happens to them. The thing is, bad stuff happens to EVERYONE. People get hurt, loved ones pass away, marriages dissolve, lives are turned upside down due to natural disasters, and sometimes life is really hard. The cool thing is though, life always moves on. Everything is constantly changing. Life might be bad right now, but maybe tomorrow it will be a little better. If you don’t choose to continue to show up, participate and live, you’ll never know. Life is a choice – we’re given it every day, but we have to CHOOSE to live it.

“We all need somebody to lean on…” There’s a reason Bill Withers is a music icon. No statement could be more true.

That’s not to say that you are supposed to deal with the bad stuff completely by yourself. EVERYONE needs help sometimes, and that’s what family and friends are for. I have known so many smart, successful, good people completely give up because they were ashamed to ask for support when they needed it most. One by one they pushed their friends away, and the truth is, you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves. I’ve had to learn the hard way that you can’t MAKE people show up and live their life, they have to choose to do that on their own. You can certainly help them when they are willing to accept that help, but until they are at a point where they want it, you just have to let them be.

This was not the blog I was originally going to write today, but after the last few months of watching a couple good friends go through hard times and completely shut down because of them, it’s the one that came out. I hate seeing people I love go through things that are just not fair, but I hate to see them ruin their lives because of those things even more. If you’re going through something and you just don’t know how to dig yourself out of it, I’m willing to bet that you have friends and family that would drop everything to help you get through it. All you have to do is ask.

And if you need a little encouragement, just listen to Maren.